It's Been a Year...

I was journaling this morning and realized...I graduated exactly one year ago. Hard to believe. This has been an unexpected, productive, and needful season and one that I would not be quick to give up if I had to do it all over again. I have learned more in this year than I did in all four years of college.

I came out of college like most recent grads do, believing that my hardwork and education would take me far if I would just try. Well, try I did and I found myself working at Macys full time. Not exactly what I had in mind. I had envisioned a career as a designer. I had maybe even half expected (sigh...must I admit this?!) that Mountain View's coffee date/ring by spring/marriage within a year thing might actually be a go for me. I envisioned living with a couple of my girlfriends since high school who I had remained close with throughout college in an apartment, on our own. I am learning that I have a right to none of my plans and that sometimes, God has something to teach me in delaying or completely changing the plans I have for myself as I learn to yield to His will for my life.

In this season, I have...

• Begun to see that my education and interest in design is more than anything a "giftedness" that God has given and that I can and should use it for his glory. I maybe had a glimpse of this in college, but didn't really understand it until I was given the opportunity to use it to serve my church body. It has blessed me immensely to work with the other women I get to come alongside and it has humbled me greatly to realize that no one is a better designer than the Lord.
• Learned that I like people, including their quirks and difficulties, more than I thought. I had always said I'd hate residential design because of having to really work with people. I've done a little bit of residential work since graduating and I actually love it. And, the people I sell shoes to at Macys are sometimes downright weird, cranky, or hard to deal with...and strangely I find I like those customers the most.
• Learned to work hard at whatever I do, even if it is selling shoes!
• Understood what it is to live "on mission." Coming out a of a Baptist school, I had forgotten what it was to be surrounded by the world and have an opportunity to be salt and light to a world desperately in need of Him. I have seen God move in miraculous, undeniable ways in the hearts of my co-workers. It has been sweet to see Him naturally develop spiritual conversations.
  
• Become genuinely broken for the lost for the first time in my life. I hate that it took this long. Seen myself, more clearly than ever, as being just the same as every unbeliever in my life if not for Christ.
  
• Learned to long for my family to know the Lord, to see them be radically and unequivocally changed by Him, rather than to desire for behaviors or circumstances to change.
• Glimpsed the beautiful picture of biblical community in my church body and in my Life Group. Enjoyed what it is to bear others' burdens, serve others, and meet practical needs. I have learned to labor in prayer for those dearest to me.
• Been wooed to the Word more intimately than ever before. I can't think of another time in my life where I have been this delighted with the Lord. That feels so weird to say, and I'm far from where I'd want to be, but I always thought being delighted in Him to be an elusive concept, and I'm learning that it is tangible. I am finally beginning to know what David spoke of in the Psalms when he said he longed and panted for the Word.
  
• Learned that I love children and enjoy teaching them in the context of Sunday school. Before I went to college, I had no desire to ever have my own children. Throughout college, that slowly changed and I developed an interest in children's ministry that was well nurtured at Newspring Church. Since coming back, I'm enjoying planning lessons for 4, 5, and 6 year olds and loving the opportunity to present the gospel in an age appropriate, engaging way. I am learning that I am priming hearts for salvation when I teach Sunday school and this feels heavier and heavier every single week.
• Come to understand that God can redeem my heritage and He will. This has given me abundant hope for a bright future. I am enjoying how He is letting me love on other people's kids and be a part of seeing another generation love the Lord.
• Learned that when Christ saved me, He desired for me to enjoy the fullness of my salvation by being in bondage to nothing. I have learned to surrender the lies I have believed for years and bring them under the authority of scripture.
• Finally understood that to glorify God means to make Him known.
  
• Learned the many Hebrew names of God and become enamored with the fullness of God's character revealed in them. I did a series of water color paintings of the names (picture will follow...eventually). I have never so wrestled with the character of God, but it was a good struggle and one that left me loving Him more.
• Become burdened for prayer in a way I can't say I've ever been before.
• Seen that God has cast a vision for this season of my life to be used to minister to other young women. It has been unbelievably satisfying to meet with other young women and share my life with them. The Lord has developed sweet friendships with several girls, and I think we have been mutually encouraged by what He has brought about.
• Experienced first hand that God saying "no" can be evidence of His faithfulness. I can think of at least four "nos" this year that did just that. They are a gift, looking back on it.
• Been blessed by friendships with young men who love the Lord and want to serve Him faithfully. It has been sweet to see some of those friends date my friends and it is a privilege to be surrounded by young men of such character.
• Experienced a opening of the floodgates! For years, I have been virtually numb and unable to cry over things I find sad, painful, or difficult. My heart has really tendered in the past year and God has allowed me to cry when that seems like an appropriate emotion.
• Learned that real life means trusting God's timing and that, in this stage of my life, I will no longer just be doing exactly the same thing as others in my same season. God brings about different things for different people at different times. He's sovereign and I can trust His timing!

I imagine that's not all that has been accomplished in my heart, but that is what I can think of off hand. I can't imagine what my life would be if God had not done all of that and really settled my heart on Him. This has been good.